Saturday, 29 January 2011
Vejazzle: It's Lady Gardeners' Question Time
Astonished doesn't cover it. Groupon - purveyor of fine offers - has as its deal of the day a 63 per cent discount on a manicure, pedicure and a vejazzle decoration.
Now I like Groupon, it's where I got the offer on the photography course that succeeded in leaving me more bewildered by my new camera. It also has lots of tempting cut price meals, spa sessions and other treats.
But today's offer was, well, really rather racy to be loitering in my inbox on a Saturday morning.
Some of you might even be wondering what genre of music, spicy international dish or dance move a vejazzle is. Or even which 1970s TV show with domesticated witches it is. It's none of those things - it's the careful tending of one's lady garden, the be-glittering of one's precious flower, the frillification of one's fou-fou.
Not, obviously, that I have one. You only need to take a look at the lack of attention I pay to my real, outside garden to know that.
But imagine if Radio 4 caught up with a bit of Groupon's action and launched Lady Gardeners' Question Time.
Wise experts would pronounce about pruning and how to get a good bushy foliage. They would discuss the best thing to do with an uninspiring south-facing corner. And they would chortle knowingly about how to get results with tubers and root vegetables.
But the questions I'd really want answered are: What the heck? And, simply, why?