Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Woolflaps - a new fashion faux pas


I happened through Glasgow's Central Station this week on my way to work, for once leaving the car behind because later the Panther of News was treating me to a night out at The Stand.

And on my way, rushing through the Goths and pigeons, I suddenly spotted a new trend. It's a trend inasmuch as there's a lot of it about but being a trend doesn't make it a good thing.

It's what happens when the ubiquitous comfy and flattering Drapey Cardi meets the only garments suitable for a Scottish winter, warm coats. Drapey Cardis are marvellous things - the wearer instantly believes her spare tyres to have vanished and the long pointy bits to be creating the illusion of willowy elegance. I should know I own a few.

The DC has equally uplifting cousins, the Drapey Top and the Drapey Waistcoat - same job, different configuration of sleeve and fastening/no fastening. I own a few of these too.

However, apparently unbeknown to most wearers, the pointy corner bits of the DC are longer than the hem of most coats warm enough for these climes and they dangle. They loiter and hang somewhere between hem and boot-top on either side of the body. Once you spot it, you'll see they are everywhere.

Don't despair though, the solution doesn't need to lie in a new - and much longer - winter coat. There is a chance of rehabilitation, the DC ends, instead of being an embarrassment could become the beginning of something special.

But first they need a name. I asked the wise women of the Twitter coven and they delivered. @JaneyGodley suggested Angular Danglers, @jax2000 offered cardi-yardage, @mumsgoneto got very excited and said cardi-valance and then (because the ends are fin-like) card-i-shark, but the prize, if there was one which there isn't, would go to @foodiejools for hipfrays and, my favourite, woolflaps.

So, I hear you cry, can the woolflaps be brought back to the mainstream?

I believe so. In evidence I offer:

G-strings visible over waistbands - now trollop pants are decorated in anticipation.

Their male equivalent, the pants over fally-down jeans(can someone please explain what holds them up?)

Orange ears, necks and palms from a Tango tan.

Bra straps - formerly always hidden are now blingged up for display.

I'm sure I could think of others if it wasn't nearly supper time. Meantime, I'm calling on DC knitters (or whatever) to come up with some answers: baubles to decorate them, little clips to tie them up, chains to attach them to the top of an Ugg(ly) boot? Over to you...


Pic: an illustration of the woolflap with a two-tone DT under a slightly crumpled M&S mac.

15 comments:

  1. Oh God, Ellen. I suffer from this fashion disgrace too!

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  2. So this is what the twitter exchanges were all about!

    I agree, woolflaps is a good name: concise and very descriptive, though sounding strangely rude.

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  3. Vonnie, there's no shame - let your flaps dangle!

    Trish, not sure if it actually applies to non-wool flaps though.

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  4. Trish, PS there's nothing wrong with strangely rude from time to time.

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  5. I came to work today with my woolflaps tied in a double knot at my waist. Now I just look pregnant.

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  6. I can't bring myself to do the trollop pants thing, or the blingy bra straps but I SO CAN DO the DC under coat thing!! This gave me a good giggle :) Jen

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  7. Hi Ellen
    I took part in my first meme whatever that is. I am so clueless at blogging apart from the writing bit which I think I do OK at most of the time.
    Anyway, it was all about 7 things you do not know about me and apparently I am to encourage other bloggers by tagging them whatever that means to do the same writing 7 things in a blog post about themselves. So I chose you. Hope that is OK

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  8. I also suffer from the faux pas of Woolflaps - daughters laughed at me too! I tried a longer (old) coat - they still showed! Perhaps they should be 'tucked in' when wearing a coat?

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  9. Linda, perhaps we should get the manufacturers to come up with a solution.

    Jen, trollop pants and bra bling are just not seemly.

    Mumsarcade, thanks very much.

    Studentmum, we must demand a solution to keep our flaps at bay.

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  10. I can't get on with those flappy Cardigan things, but have a couple of tunic tops with flappy bottoms that come out of the bottom of my coat. My solution has been to wear a coat with an elastic bottom and tuck them up. They get a bit creased, but better to avoid the woolflaps!

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  11. Jo, maybe elastic bottomed coats are the answer. Will have to go shopping! (Only kidding, Panther) x

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  12. Where on earth does one buy coats with elastic bottoms apart from perhaps the stores of a psychiatric hospital?

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  14. I think hipfrays is a great name!! And how about this for a solution - as you put your coat on, grab the dangly end of the dangly bit and push it into the sleeve of your coat with your hand, like you do if you want to stop your cuff riding up the inside of your coat arm!! Never tried it, but think it could be amusing to watch!!!!!

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  15. Julie, possibly a psychiatric hospital, although I got mine in Gap ;)

    Can't think how to explain it, you know the cuff thing you get at the bottom of hoodies? Sometimes longer coats have them too. Honest!

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