Varifocals. Var-i-focals. That's what it's come to, dear reader.
I was at the optician this week and, um, my eyes are starting to show the deterioration typical of someone of my age.
All along I was blaming the dim lighting (you know, bulbs that magic themselves from 60 to 40 watts), the dirty windows and the intimidatingly small small print. I can't remember when it started, but I've noticed the focus pause. You know? Where you go to read titchy words and, increasingly, it takes a moment longer than it used to to force the little buggers into sharp contrast.
So what I need is new specs. Actually I need additional specs to put on when I want to see something properly. But the idea of taking off my looking at the computer and telly glasses, putting them aside, finding my reading glasses, putting them on, and then remembering what I was hoping to read in the first place is not a good one. Just how many woman hours would I lose in looking for them at the bottom of my handbag?
So, the solution is varifocals. Apparently they are the glasses for all kinds of looking. Cold comfort for the fact my eyes are showing my age.
Soothingly my optician told me that it happens to nearly everyone of this age with depressing inevitability.
That so? Then why don't we see Kylie - who is only a year younger than me - with reading glasses on then? Or Sarah Jessica Parker? Yeah. Let's make whipping the specs out of the handbag to read the menu the new black.
And by the same token, I'd like to see a bit more honesty on aging from other stars.
What about Madonna talking about how she scrutinises her chin for stray whiskers when no one's looking? Yeah.
How about Michelle Pfeiffer revealing how she has to do the pelvic floor thing when she feels a sneeze brewing?
Perhaps, Liz Hurley will share the secrets of her broken veins and Lulu will talk about how she's noticed her bingo wings wobble when she cleans the window.
Do you think
Meanwhile, did anyone see where I put my glasses?
Pic: Seq via Flickr