Saturday, 14 May 2011

Do stop whingeing - it really doesn't help

Hi, it's Perpetual Pollyanna here again banging my tiny little drum on the subject of positive thinking.

The week began with Boy One taking the huge leap of joining his primary seven classmates at the outdoor centre at Ardentinny.  Exhaustive preparations ended with me dropping off a pale and over-excited 11-year-old off at school with his meticulously packed (and repeatedly re-packed) bag.

All week I worried about him - tried not to, because I know it's a waste of energy, but nevertheless....

But by about Wednesday, I realised that something else was going on. The remaining household was unexpectedly peaceful and harmonious. Requests were responded to first time and shouting levels were unusually low. Perhaps it was simply that Boy Two didn't have anyone to fight with. Or possibly it was because we didn't have an Aspie in the house. Am I alone in observing that people with Asperger's Syndrome don't have what you'd call an up-beat view of life? I hadn't realised just how wearing that is on a daily basis.

Then I caught Desert Island Discs on the radio. The colourful Molly Parkin chose Bette Middler and Bing Crosby's version of Accentuate the Positive.

I can't imagine how I'd missed this but it's now firmly on my newly imagined playlist of positivity.

Now, while I don't generally like to encourage the Daily Mail, I was struck by an article that I currently can't find wherein a woman decides not to complain for a while week. Her family think she's been replaced by aliens and she is deafened by her internal whingebag. In the end she concludes that while complaining is pointless she really quite enjoys it.. a hobby if you will.


Yesterday, Boy One came home with a bag full of sodden clothes and a smile on his face. "It wasn't good, it was great."
He also says he's got a taste for steak pie, arctic roll and lemon drizzle cake. I felt myself relaxing - I had been braced for a disaster.

It's lovely to have a full nest again, but some tension levels are increasing already. We've had a series of moans about broken toys, missed TV shows, perceived misdemeanours and threatened - but unlikely - dangers. There have been jostles and squabbles and it's far, far noisier. Business as usual then.

Then, today, I came across a blog post that puts the whole thing into perspective. Derek K Millar died of cancer and his last post was published by his grieving family. He begins "Here it is, I am dead... "

I'll leave you with his words:

"The world, indeed the whole universe, is a beautiful, astonishing, wondrous place. There is always more to find out. I don't look back and regret anything, and I hope my family can find a way to do the same."

 

8 comments:

  1. Of course you worried - you're his mother, and that's part of your job! So pleased it went off well, and he survived and enjoyed his week. And the positive to accentuate is - look how far he has progressed! Keep doing the good work with him.......and the rest of them. Mxx

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  2. I love that song... although personally I prefer the Crosby/Andrews Sister's version!

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  3. Ahhh Ardentinny! I used to love going there! (lived in dunoon for most of my childhood!). I remember going there with the brownies when I was ten. Absolutely adored it. SO glad he enjoyed himself. What a big step! :D xx

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  4. Maci is a whinger. It is in his nature and it drives me insane, but I do try and just deal with it. I had CBT and it really did make me look at things more positively. I asked the boys at lumch today if they were happy and if they think the have mostly been happy or sad since born and was do relieved when they said happy

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  5. Oh I'm so pleased your Son enjoyed his school trip. My son same age as your boy couldn't go with his class mates. Oh he wanted to go so much, but he suffers with anxiety and as much as he wanted to go a part of him didn't...it was heartbreaking having to watch him make that decision.

    I remember when my older boy went, I worried about him so much, he didn't give us a second thought, he had a ball.

    Us Mothers I think will always worry about our babies, even when they are all grown up. :)) x

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  6. Mum, thanks x

    Dotterel, I'll seek it out.

    Marylin, it seems half of Scotland went at some point in the last 20 years. I'm sorry I missed out, it sounds fantastic.

    Carole, Good for your son to be able to make that choice though.

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  7. Oh my goodness, I went there with my school many moons ago. I'm glad your son had a ball by the sounds of it ;o)

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  8. I remember when my son went on his first 4 night camping trip with school. He was so anxious about it, and usually a confident and sporty boy too so it was not something I had expected. On the morning he left, I still remember hearing him wail 'Mummeeeee' as the mini bus pulled away from school and how bereft I felt. The head master actually rang me that night (I was the only parent he rang) to reassure me that my boy was fine. Now that boy is 29, married and living 350 miles away from home...!!

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