Sunday, 18 December 2011

A Mother’s Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas,
My family sent to me
A list of things for under the tree (The first sign of the approaching season, “just watch this advert mum” and “look at this catalogue, mum”. )

On the second day of Christmas,
My family sent to me
Two oven gloves (For all the cooking that’s going to be done over the next few weeks)
And a list of things for under the tree

On the third day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
socks, large men’s, (Bigger, the better to be stuffed with presents)
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the fourth day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Four calling cards (Left by delivery people when I wasn’t in so I have to phone to arrange another day for whatever essential gift to be delivered)
Socks, large men’s,
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the fifth day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Five old things, (mysterious, crumpled and found at the bottom of the decorations box once we finally remembered where we put it in January.)
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the sixth day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Six bills for paying, (if we get away with six, it’ll be a miracle)
Five old things, 
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the seventh day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Seven songs we’re singing (you know the ones, in all the shops “I wish it could be, have yourself, stop the cavalry, let it snow, I saw mummy kissing...)
Six bills for paying
Five old things, 
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the eighth day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Eight children sulking (I know it’s Christmas, but you can’t have it/do it/eat it/stay up to see it)
Seven songs we’re singing
Six bills for paying
Five old things, 
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the ninth day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Nine hours of dancing, (well it was the office party)
Eight children sulking
Seven songs we’re singing
Six bills for paying
Five old things, 
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the tenth day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Ten toys a-beeping, (every flipping single one will make an annoying noise)
Nine hours of dancing, 
Eight children sulking
Seven songs we’re singing
Six bills for paying
Five old things, 
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Eleven days of wiping, (housework needing done) 
Ten toys a-beeping, 
Nine hours of dancing, 
Eight children sulking
Seven songs we’re singing
Six bills for paying
Five old things, 
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas, 
My family sent to me 
Twelve people coming (how are we going to fit them around the table for turkey?), 
Eleven days of wiping, 
Ten toys a-beeping, 
Nine hours of dancing, 
Eight children sulking
Seven songs we’re singing
Six bills for paying
Five old things, 
Four calling cards
Socks, large men’s
Two oven gloves
And a list of things for under the tree

This is part of a piece I wrote for the Christmas edition of Clyde LIfe which you can read on line.

And in a spooky twist of blogging fate, unbeknownst to me, my sister was writing her version over in Edinburgh - The Twelve Days of Christmas at Barnton Pharmacy.




6 comments:

  1. Brilliant: the best alternative twelve days of Christmas that I've seen. Have a good one, won't you?

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  2. DG, thanks and the same to you with jingle bells on!

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  3. One husband panicking

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  4. That's so original and fun. It really resonates! Great!

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  5. Thanks for link.
    11 days of wiping.....noses, bottoms and cleaning in our house!

    ReplyDelete

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