Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Why 50 Shades Of Gray could never be true...

knot very good - 50 shades
I've done it, I've joined the ranks of 50 Shades of Gray survivors. Oh my. 

Clearly most self-respecting real woman would run as fast as they could away from Mr G if they found themselves in feckless Ms Steele's borrowed shoes. 


However, if they had somehow chosen to ignore the warning signs of total git-dom and fallen for the millionaire and his well-clad legs, then there are some points she might like to consider. 


No aspect of 50 Shades of Gray could actually be true. And here's why -



  • A real man is likely to forget the scissors for the cable ties.
  • Anyone biting their lip that much would have a nasty sore on it.
  • Little people living in your head who argue with each other would probably cause problems with how you deal with the rest of the world.
  • Think about it, that red room of pain wouldn't smell of leather and citrus, would it?
  • There can't be a student in 2011 who don't use email and mobile phones all the time.
  • NDA - and she is supposed to be intelligent.
  • No real women have so few of their own clothes.
  • Really, three weeks before she thinks to Google him.
  • You just know a real life dom sub agreement would fast move from stand there while I titre you up to go to the kitchen and make me dinner.
  • "Breakfast," he whispers, making it sound deliciously erotic. Err not roll and sausage with brown sauce then.
  • All that soap on mucous membranes would sting and not in a sexy way.
  • A contract. With a man. Are you mad?
  • There cannot be a woman in the world who finds a man's interest in her menstruation in any way attractive. 
Oh my. Holy hell. Etc.






11 comments:

  1. Oh blimey, what have I let myself in for. Reading it for next book club. Feel like I could fake it now (probably inappropriate phrasing for this particular conversation...).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But the weird thing is it's oddly compelling. Excellent book club fodder, I'd say.

      Delete
  2. Brilliant ... I'm doing my best to stay very cear of this book!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Damn it ... I meant clear.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brilliant review, much like my review on t blog. Very funny take. Oh and I confess I read all three. Vix x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Must go and have a read of yours. They are oddly compelling aren't they?

      Delete
  5. I'm standing my ground and flatly refusing to succum to his spell. check out my blog at www.bubblegummum.blogspot.co.uk x

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I totally agree with everything you said! I have never read such rubbish in all my life! The whole menstration thing was a bit icky!!! My huband reliably informs me he has no interest in my tampons! eeek!!! Thank goodness!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very funny observations, books for me have been a great read and very funny for all the same reasons!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...