Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Things I've learned but wish I hadn't

Boys about to discover that it's really cold in there
This week I made the rather surprising discovery that poo doesn't melt or dissolve when washed at 90 degrees on a cotton wash. No. It tucks itself into the rubber seal and waits to pounce. 

This moment of domestic education led me to consider the other things I'd rather not know: 

  • If you undertake a journey that involves more than 10 hours of driving, a three-year-old passenger will become constipated.
  • The addition of a weaning child to a brain-melting hangover tips it over into intolerable.
  • It takes a really long time to get the smell of vomit out of anything.
  • There really isn't anything suitable to say when your child barf all over himself, you and the chair you are both sitting on in a restaurant, just as the food arrives.
  • The only way to get encrusted bogies off a leather sofa is to pick them with your finger nail.
  • A flatpack wardrobe will collapse and break irreparably if you try to build it on your own (I'm still not ready to laugh about this yet).
  • Pontins at Burnham on Sea is a revolting place to spend the night.
  • It's really hard to give up smoking.
  • It's really hard impossible to lose the baby weight.
  • The best time to discover you have forgotten to pack any nappies is not at 50,000ft when your child has just dropped a particularly explosive bomb.
  • The day you're sure your toddler can't put the plug in by himself is the day he can. 


  1. Various thoughts of "yuck" and "I know that feeling". They all sound to be based on real events to me.

    1. Unfortunately they all are. It's a nasty business, parenting.

  2. I know it was wrong of me to laugh at these but, to be fair, I have also experienced most of them.

    I find a liberal dose of bicarbonate of soda works wonders for vomit smells. And any other nasty smells too!

    1. Thanks. I haven't tried bicarbonate of soda. Do you just sprinkle it?

    2. Yes, just sprinkle it all over then leave for as long as you can to absorb the aroma then Hoover it all up!

  3. Oh dear. Sorry to laugh - but it could be a nervous sort as you hit some raw nerves! That book on parenting you're writing....

    1. Yeah - I'm clearly going to give Super Nanny sleepless nights.

    2. And grandparenting brings on so many memories too ;o)

  4. lol sorry I know I shouldn't laugh but I can relate to so many x


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...